‘Dilemma’ song – sung to the tune of Camila Cabello’s ‘Havanna’:
Dilemma, ooh na-na (ay)
Half of my head has a dilemma, ooh-na-na (ay, ay)
Do I keep eating avocada, na-na-na
When all I want is a banana (ay)
There’s somethin’ that feels wronga (uh huh)
Dilemma, ooh na-na (uh)
So, I tried banting. Being the all or nothing person that I am, I didn’t start with an ‘ease into it’ week. I cut out all cereal, rice, flour, potato, pasta, bread and (apart from a few strawberries) fruit. I started each day with breakfast fried in butter. I had salmon and avo for lunch. I ate more vegetables than I had for about three years. The result? I lost three kilos in two weeks. ‘That’s awesome!’ I hear you say. And it is.
What’s not so awesome is the dilemma of having to live in the world. If I carry on with this way of eating, I will never again experience the sheer delight of watermelon juice running down my chin, or biting into a peach and having the juice dribble down my arm, or tearing the peel off a mandarin and squirting myself in the eye. On second thoughts, maybe I should be banned from eating fruit! I won’t be able to meet a friend for coffee, or enjoy a glass of wine on a Friday afternoon, or pop down to Mission Bay for a Movenpick ice cream on a sunny Sunday morning. I definitely won’t be able to smother a fresh croissant in homemade berry jam.
I want these things. I like food. I love the variety of food we have in the world. I like the freedom to choose to have fruit salad for breakfast. I don’t want to live on fats and meat. I guess it isn’t for me.