Yes, I’ve put on weight. I thought I’d get that out the way before Christmas day hits. Of course, I could still blame it on the festive season, but I won’t. I have decided to adopt a different approach.
I’m going to pretend (to myself) that I was massively overweight and that I have lost oodles of kilos and am now a svelte shadow of my former self. That being the case, I look in the mirror and tell myself how fine I look. I think back to my (imaginary) larger self, throw my head back in a 1920’s Hollywood fake laugh, and run my hands over my curves. I’m going to wear clothes that are a bit too tight and feel good about myself. Because, you know, we worry too much about looking like the image we have of ourselves from when we were 20.
There are many ways in which we look at ourselves, or images we have of ourselves. Not all of these are accurate. Not all of these are set in stone.
Which brings me to the point of this blog – my focus for 2017. This is the year in which I re-invent myself:
I have been a mother for 21 years – nothing’s changed there except the abilities of my ‘kids’.
I have been an ex-wife for *mumble mumble* years – definitely no change there!
I have been an English teacher for 15 years – aah, now that’s where things are going to change.
I was wondering – does one ever become not a teacher? Teaching is so inextricably woven into the fabric of my being. Does a Dear John letter and a final paycheck change the essence of who I am? Will I ever be able to say that I’m an ex-teacher, like I’m an ex-Tupperware dealer? I’m certainly going to give it a go.
I’m looking forward to shedding the skin of my former identity (and thinner body) and striding towards the blinding light on the horizon. Time will tell whether it’s a glorious sunrise, or the lights of an oncoming truck!
As I shift my focus, I realise that I am still the same me – I still stress about how to cut my toenails; I still can’t make decent roast potatoes; I still lick the gravy off my plate when no-one’s watching. The difference is that now I’m going to write about these things.